


A Matter Of Trust

by ElenaCee



Series: The Consultant [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Augment biology, Bottom!Khan, Dubious Science, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Experimental drug, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Experimentation, Topping from the Bottom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2015-01-10
Packaged: 2018-03-02 02:26:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2796293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElenaCee/pseuds/ElenaCee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having an augmented superman aboard could potentially be disastrous. When Jim Kirk decides he needs an emergency Plan B, trust between him and his newly appointed consultant (and incidental lover) is strained.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A.k.a. The One Where I Go Overboard With Science. And lol, look at me going the h/c fluff route again. There's possibly a fluff overload in this one, lol. Also, bottom!Khan.
> 
> Thanks again for all the kudos and comments on the preceding chapters and on the other two parts! Muchly appreciated.

_"Captain's log, Stardate 2260.93. Captain James Kirk, reporting._

_Following the events of our latest mission, I recommend that Gamma Draconis IV be re-classified as unsuitable for Federation contact. We found the indigenous life forms to be non-corporeal beings who have little to no regard for the requirements of corporeal life forms such as us, a fact that almost resulted in the loss of my landing party. During our interaction with them, Lieutenant O'Shaughnessy's mind was taken over by one of the beings. O'Shaughnessy immediately attacked the rest of the team. Negotiation with the consciousness inside him was unsuccessful and only resulted in more attacks. No lives were lost thanks to the swift medical intervention by my ship's surgeon._

_Lieutenant O'Shaughnessy is mentally unharmed following the removal of the alien consciousness but will require counseling and extensive R &R. I recommend Dr. Leonard McCoy for a commendation for exemplary conduct during this mission. Kirk, out."_

Jim switched off the recorder and sat back with a heartfelt sigh.

What a mission that had been. He should really learn not to jinx these things by going 'this is too easy' in any way, shape, or form. If it hadn't been for Khan's presence with the landing party, the whole thing might easily have gone spectacularly pear-shaped. O'Shaughnessy, suddenly possessed of superhuman strength and incredible aggression, would have gone through the rest of the team like a knife through butter before anyone could even send out a distress signal if Khan hadn't been there to stop him with the simple expedient of throwing himself on top of him and holding him down until he could be sedated. It was a fucking shame that Jim wouldn't even be able to award him any commendations for this.

One thing was certain: He was never, ever going to send a team down to an unknown planet again without the Augment there to do damage control.

His door buzzer buzzed. "Captain."

Jim looked up. _What now?_ "Come in, Spock."

The door lock recognized the command and released, allowing the Vulcan to step through.

"Mr. Spock," Jim greeted him. "Uhm, are we on for chess today? I thought that was tomorrow."

"It is," Spock said, sitting down at Jim's gesture of invitation. "I assume you are in the process of filing your report about Gamma Draconis IV for Starfleet Command?"

"Just finished it, yeah. Why?"

Spock steepled his finger in front of him, elbows on the armrest of his chair. "We were fortunate that Mr. Singh was able to contain the situation on the planet." He paused.

"Yes, we were," Jim said, wondering where this was leading. It was not like Spock to make idle conversation.

"We were very fortunate in another regard. Have you considered what would have happened if the alien consciousness had chosen Mr. Singh for a host?"

Jim had not, in fact, considered that, but the answer was easy. "We'd've been royally screwed."

"Colorfully put, Sir, but factually correct. The same, of course, would have been true if I had been in Mr. Singh's position in this hypothetical scenario."

"Oh yeah, definitely." He still was not sure where Spock was going with this.

The Vulcan decided to let him in on his thoughts. "As I am sure our consultant would agree, this latest mission has revealed a potential security risk where Mr. Singh and myself are concerned. In the event of a hostile takeover of the minds of either of us -"

"- We would have no way to stop you," Jim cut in, nodding, now following closely. "So you're about to suggest that we devise counter-measures to take you out if that happens." He had to admit that it made sense.

"Indeed." Spock favored him with that slight softening of his austere features that was the Vulcan equivalent of a full-blown smile.

"Preferably non-lethal," Jim added. It did make sense, but he still didn't like it.

"That would be desirable, yes. I suggest you discuss this with Mr. Singh, while I will give my recommendation for a pharmaceutical method to incapacitate me to Dr. McCoy."

"Pharmaceutical?" Jim liked the sound of that even less than the whole idea. "Wouldn't some, I don't know, heavy-duty restraints suffice?"

"Restraints alone leave a risk of the subjects injuring themselves. I suggest a combination of both."

Jim bit his lip. He could see that this suggestion was going to go down really well with Khan. On the other hand, Spock had a point, especially in view of the fact that phasers were near ineffective on the Augment. And, after all, Khan was all about pre-emptive strategies. "All right, I'll bring it up with him. Thanks, Spock."

 

* * *

 

He found Khan in the rec room, where the Augment was discussing engine improvements with Scotty. Jim got himself a cup of coffee and plunked himself down at their table, listening with half an ear until Scotty, with a wink at Jim, decided that he was superfluous and excused himself.

As the Scot walked out, he caught Jim's eye and winked again, making Jim roll his eyes. Maybe he shouldn't have been that obvious the other day, but he couldn't bring himself to be sorry, either. That night had totally been worth all the innuendo he was getting from his crew.

"Captain." Khan said formally, focusing his formidable attention on Jim.

"Khan." They were both oh so very formal now, when just a few nights ago... Jim found it hard not to grin, but then he remembered why he was here. The thought of discussing with the Augment how to best incapacitate him was sufficient to put a damper even on his libido, always ready to interfere with his mental capacity, but especially when he was in Khan's company.

The Augment's nostrils flared, no doubt picking up both Jim's beginning arousal and his apprehension. "What is it?"

Jim sighed. There was nothing for it. "Gamma Draconis IV. Spock made a good point that I have to talk with you about."

The merest flicker of broken eye contact indicated that Khan was mentally reviewing all that had happened on the planet and was trying to anticipate Jim. "Yes." It was just the word, no question, no invitation to continue.

Jim raised his eyebrows. He was only beginning to know the Augment, so he was forced to go with his gut a lot of the time he was interacting with him. But if there was one thing he had learned, it was that beating around the bush would get him nowhere. "He said we were lucky it wasn't you who was taken over, and that we'd need a plan for when it happens to be you. Or him, for that matter."

"Yes." This time, there was no flicker, just continued, unblinking staring.

By now, Jim was sure that Khan knew where he was going with this. "You're not gonna help me out here, are you?"

"I'm waiting for you to make the point that Mr. Spock made."

"That was the point."

"No, it wasn't." Khan leaned forward slightly and fixed Jim with his ice blue stare, still not blinking. "That was the premise. If it were the point, you'd be more at ease now, having said it. There is something you have yet to say that you think I'm not going to like. So, please, put us both out of your misery and say it."

"Very well." Jim braced himself. "We both decided that we need a sure way to take you out in case you get turned."

Khan's eyes widened, then narrowed, and his whole body tensed. "I see."

It hurt Jim almost physically to see the change in Khan from relaxed to wary, after all the time it had taken them to get the Augment to trust them this far. "Please, Noonien. You know that it makes sense. You're five times stronger than us. Phasers don't affect you. We'd have no way to contain you. It's strategy, something to fall back on in a future eventuality that we've just been informed exists. We're not suggesting it out of any kind of distrust. You know that." _Don't you?_

Khan stared at him, face tight, body rigid. He breathed once through his nose, in and out, then made what looked like a conscious effort to relax. "It does make sense. I would kill you all, like that boy almost did." He blinked, finally, and turned his head to the side briefly. "I would never want that. I agree, Jim."

Jim leaned back, relieved. "Good." _That went a hell of a lot better than expected._ "Spock suggested restraints together with some sort of drug."

"Devising effective restraints should not be a problem. However, there is no drug that will affect me long enough to be of use." Now that Khan was committed to the concept, Jim was relieved to note that he was inclined to discuss details.

"Are you sure? There's a lot of stuff around."

"I was designed to withstand chemical and biological attacks in combat, Jim. My blood can't be oxidized with carbon monoxide. My nerve endings and synapses can't be blocked with anything that works on humans. My regenerative factors would identify and metabolize any foreign agent too quickly. For anything to even have a chance to work, it would have to contain something specifically designed to interfere with my healing factors. As long as I have my healing, nothing will affect me."

"Okay," Jim said slowly. "So there's no out-of-the-box solution. Will you help Bones design something?" He knew full well that he was asking Khan to give them a weapon that would render him helpless, something that might even fall into the wrong hands at some point.

The Augment hesitated, tense again. Jim could feel how much Khan hated the very thought, his whole being rebelling against letting someone take away his biological advantages like that. "Yes," he finally said with what Jim considered true courage.

"Thank you," Jim said, heartfelt.

Khan continued to scowl. "I suppose we will have to test it at some point, both the drug and the restraints."

Jim grimaced. "I think so, yeah. Bones can run simulations to narrow things down, but eventually, there'll have to be a live test."

Still scowling, Khan looked at him. "I want you there during that test."

"Of course," Jim said, surprised, "of course. I wouldn't want it any other way." It saddened him to think that Khan should believe he'd have to beg for something that everyone else would take for granted. _Even if that was the most imperious way I've ever been asked anything before._

"Good." Khan's scowl deepened. "And during the restraints test. I'm not letting anyone else tie me up."

"You've been in cuffs before," Jim reminded him.

The scowl was briefly replaced by a smile. "Oh, those cuffs only held me because I allowed it. All it would have taken to free myself was the sacrifice of a hand. How do you think I escaped from Section 31?"

Jim shuddered. "Really, Noonien, sometimes you scare me a little."

The scowl was back in place. "You will have to face that fear if you want to contain me, Jim. If I can't break the restraint, I'll break a bone, any bone, with the exception of my skull. I'll tear off whole limbs to free myself, knowing that everything but my head will re-grow. And consider this: No hostile consciousness making use of my body would bother to keep it whole, so I won't, either."

_Thank you for those images,_ Jim thought. Fortunately, Spock had considered this in his suggestion, though. "That's why we're thinking to combine restraints with a drug."

Khan compressed his lips as if to keep from baring his teeth. "I know. It makes sense. But it should be possible to devise force-field based restraints that will use the subject's strength to keep them immobile. The more force is applied, the more force is available to stabilize the restraint."

Jim considered this, feeling hope. "Would that be sufficient to contain you?" _Maybe we won't need the fucking drug at all._

"It should. The principle is simple and effective. But something like that would also be subject to failure, like any device. To make absolutely sure, you will still have to be able to knock me out."

Jim nodded, taking in Khan's wary posture. _Dammit all to hell._

 

* * *

 

Leonard McCoy didn't know what to think. "Tall order, Jim. Filtering out the healing factors in his isolated blood and hoping they'll do their job in another body is one thing. Interfering with them in his body to stop them from interfering with the interference is a whole 'nother ball game." He paused, parsing what he'd just said, and nodded in confirmation. "If you know what I mean."

Jim nodded, looking uncomfortable. "I think I do. Look, I know it won't be easy. I've asked Noonien to come here and help you. Blood samples, bioscans, the lot." He sighed.

Leonard peered at him. "You don't like this whole thing," he guessed.

Correctly, if the way Jim scowled at him unhappily was anything to go by. "I'm afraid that this will set him back, Bones. He barely trusts me enough to fall asleep next to me as it is. You should have seen him when I suggested it to him, tying him up, drugging him. He looked like was about to go for my throat. It scares him to be helpless. The mere thought of being helpless scares him. But that's what he'll be if we're successful."

"But he agreed."

Jim sighed again. "Yeah, he did. As a strategist, he can't help but agree. I knew that going in. I relied on that. But now, I keep thinking that we're submitting him to great stress to prevent a purely hypothetical event, and I'm this close to calling the whole thing off."

"If he thinks he can do it -" Leonard began.

"He said he'd do it, and now he can't back out because that'd be cowardice in his eyes, Bones. Of course he'll go through with it. I'm the only one who can stop it without him looking bad. And I can't, can I, because it makes fucking sense." He grimaced. "I should never have suggested it. Hell, Spock should never have suggested it."

"Well," Leonard said laconically, "if you make up your mind, let me know."

That earned him another scowl. "I'm not calling it off, Bones. I can't. But, in your opinion, what do you think it would do to him, submitting to those tests? If there's any danger of psychological damage..."

Leonard shook his head. "Spock's the one to ask, not me. I'm a physician, not a psychologist, and Spock's been in his mind. All I can say is, he went through all this shit with Section 31 and came out sane, so I don't think that a little stress in a friendly environment is going to unseat him. You're not giving him enough credit again, Jim. We talked about this."

Jim didn't look convinced. "You should have seen him, Bones."

"Well, of course he doesn't like the thought. Doesn't mean he'll freak out. I said this before, too, Jim. He's letting you see his feelings, his reactions to things. That's a good thing. If he went back to this stone-faced robot impression he gave us when we first took him aboard last year I'd be worried. He's got strong feelings, so of course you're going to see strong reactions. I'm looking forward to the day he growls at you for, I don't know, saying something stupid, or hugs you because you did something nice, because that'll be the day you're seeing the true him."

Jim was all but gaping at him. "Khan? Hugging people? Where do you get this?"

"Something Spock mentioned. Strong connection between his limbic system and his neocortex. In other words, he's very in touch with his lizard brain, his inner animal, if you will, and my guess is he just keeps that in check all the time, except in battle, and, well, in bed." He grinned. "But I'm thinking you knew that already."

Jim actually blushed. "Sort of, yeah." He gathered himself. "Anyway. Okay. If you think it's okay, we'll go ahead with it, then."

 

* * *

 

"Mr. Scott. How's it going?"

The Scot turned around to see Jim approaching him from the other end of the corridor. "Captain." He waited until Jim had reached him. "It's going fine. Uh, to what, precisely, are you referring?"

"I'm talking about the little side-project we're keeping off the official record."

"Oh!" Scotty's face lit up in the way that warned Jim he was about to become a victim to the Scot's impish sense of humor. " _That_ little project. Of course. Yes. It's coming along fine. You're going to be quite, aha, pleased, I think."

Jim sighed. "Scotty."

"I know, I know." He made a zipping motion at his lips. "Not a word out a' my mouth aboot any a' it. Um." Leaning closer to Jim, he added, "But I'd strongly recommend sound-proofin' yer quarters when ya put those things in use. Sir."

"Scott."

"Oh, I'm sorry, none of my business, I'm sure. You're quite right. Sorry."

"Mr. Scott, don't make me hurt you."

His point made, Scotty dropped the act. "Seriously, Sir, I think I'll have a prototype ready for you tomorrow after beta shift at the latest. Mr. Singh gave me a few pointers. A little re-application of existing principles - my favorite. Basically, no matter how much force is applied, it's all fed into the unit's vectorized force field generator powering the device. There's no actual matter doing the holding, so there's nothing to break. Simple and elegant. You'll see."

Jim nodded. "Sounds good."

Scotty stepped up close again. "Even more seriously, Sir, we'd be able to make a fortune if we sold this little gadget to the right clientele. If you get what I mean. Sir."

Jim did, of course, know exactly what Scotty meant, and usually, he'd have been the first to go there. Now, however, it all struck a little too close to home. "Well, sorry, Scotty. At this point I'm hoping we'll never have to use it at all."

Scotty looked at him with his 'aw-you're-no-fun-Sir' face. "Right."

"Let me know when it's ready for testing."

"Will do, Sir."

 

* * *

 

Leonard heard the door to sickbay open and close. From the way the little hairs on the back of his neck rose, he knew who it was that had just come in before he heard the greeting.

"Doctor."

"Khan," he said, looking up, wondering if he would ever get used to feeling of otherness that the Augment exuded. Wondering if he was the only one aboard this ship who felt it. Wondering what, if so, that made him. _The only sane person? A paranoiac?_ "Come in. Sit down. I've prepared everything, so we can start whenever you're ready."

Khan remained standing, holding out a PADD to him. "I've compiled all the data pertaining to Augment biology that I'm aware of. It will answer most of your questions."

Leonard took it and looked at the PADD. "Wow, that's a lot of information. I didn't know we had all that on file."

"You don't. I compiled it from memory, using human biology as a basis. This is the only copy. Well, except for whatever Section 31 has." He scowled.

"Regretting you didn't blow up the base you were on?" Leonard said, impulsively.

"Immensely," the Augment said, giving a little snort through his nose that somehow managed to convey a world of disgust.

Leonard found himself smiling in response. It actually looked like he was beginning to get a consistent read on the Augment. _It helps to think of him as something non-human. Big hunting cat, maybe. Or a dragon. It's only when you expect human behavior from him that you get thrown._

This transaction completed, Khan sat down opposite Leonard. "Shall we do this, Doctor?"

"Right. Okay, first of all, I'm going to need a blood sample. The one I've got from before seems to have degraded."

"It does that, yes," Khan said, rolling up his sleeve to expose his depressingly perfect forearm. "Or at least, the healing factors do. There is a variety of them. Those that are needed for basic maintenance are present at all times. Others are synthesized as needed. You will only get the maintenance factors in this sample."

"I see." Leonard produced a blood extractor. "Will affecting them be enough to knock you out, or do we have to induce other factors and deal with them?"

Khan held out his arm. "It depends on what you want to use on me. But in any case, I suggest you take a sample now regardless. You can always use it to produce a serum for medical emergencies. Just in case someone knocks the warp core out of alignment again."

Leonard glared at him briefly, then remembered his own resolution. _Big hunting cat, remember? He's trying to play with you. Don't act like you're food._ "Or in case someone gets hurt by their over-enthusiastic boyfriend," he shot back.

"Gym accidents happen, yes," Khan returned, eyes flashing, obviously enjoying this.

So was Leonard, and not just because he felt validated in his assessment of Khan.

But first things first. He took the sample, noting again how much pressure was needed to penetrate the Augment's skin. "Right," he said, "in the absence of any standard Augment knock-out agents I'm thinking I'll use a standard human knock-out drug and make you susceptible to it. Meanwhile, we can use this sample as a baseline." He produced a hypo containing the drug.

That got him an approving nod. "How do you intend to make me susceptible?"

_This is a test,_ Leonard realized. _He gave me all the information I need to answer the question, and he wants to know if I'm clever enough to do it._

He held up the sample he had just taken. "This is my baseline. I'll hit you with the knock-out drug, take another sample, and compare them. Whatever's different is your body's response to the drug. I'll isolate that and go from there."

Khan lowered his head without breaking eye contact. "Excellent." He held out his arm again.

Leonard felt himself blush at the unexpected praise but ignored it in favor of remaining professional. He looked at Khan's arm, then up at the unblinking blue-green eyes. "Don't you want to lie down just in case? This stuff's pretty potent. It'll knock out a human in under thirty seconds."

"It won't affect me. I suggest you set up a continuous monitor, so you can see what happens to it."

"All right, but don't complain to me if you fall off your chair."

At that, Khan actually bared his teeth at him. "Hit me, Doctor."

Grinning in response, Leonard did.

At first, nothing happened. They both watched the monitor showing the drug's progression through Khan's blood stream. Propelled by the Augment's strong heartbeat, the drug spread quickly, reaching his brain after a few seconds. Khan screwed his eyes shut and shook his head briefly, giving an angry growl. And then, just like that, the drug no longer registered on the monitor.

"That's incredible," Leonard said, grabbing another extractor to take the second blood sample. "You did feel something for a second, though. What was it?"

Khan readily held out his arm. "A buzzing sound. Very annoying. Also, a funny taste in my mouth and a flash before my eyes."

"How about numbness? Any loss of muscle control?" Leonard finished extracting the second sample, setting both samples up for analysis.

"No."

"Incredible," Leonard repeated. "Just a brief impact on sensory perception, then, due to the sedative. The muscle relaxant part of the drug apparently didn't even have time to act before it was metabolized."

Khan didn't say anything, looking smug.

_"Comparative analysis complete,"_ the computer informed them.

"Right," Leonard said. "You don't have to stay around for this. I'll isolate the compounds and start running simulations on how to neutralize them ex vivo. What your body's going to do with those neutralizing agents is another story, which we'll tackle when we come to it." He sighed, peering at the data. "But I can see it's not gonna be easy, or quick."

"I know it's not," Khan said, still smug. "As you can imagine, you're not the first person trying to take me out by preventing me from healing. Twenty-first century scientists, the same scientists that designed me, tried and failed over the course of five years." He rose. "If you have questions, please ask. I should prefer that this exercise in futility be over with as soon as possible."

Leonard looked up at him. "You don't think this will work." It was not a question.

Khan fixed him with his stare. "I'm supremely skeptical."

"I don't blame you." Leonard sighed. "Welcome to life aboard an exploratory space ship, I suppose. Where we anticipate all sorts of crazy shit while being broadsided by the crazy shit we didn't anticipate."


	2. Chapter 2

"Well, Mr. Scott, what do you have for me?"

The Scot opened a desk drawer and took out a metal ball about as big as his fist, throwing it from hand to hand. "Ta-da!"

Jim looked at it, not daring to let his skepticism show. He had seen enough miracles from Scotty to know better than to go by first impressions. This unassuming little thing could probably earn someone a doctorate in engineering. But to Jim's eyes, it still looked like nothing more impressive than a glorified golf ball.

They were in Scotty's quarters rather than in engineering, owing to the fact that this little project was still off the record. Jim counted himself lucky that their official missions so far were fairly routine, so, instead of dealing with alien civilizations, they could devote most of their attention to trying to render their resident consultant (and incidentally their First Officer) unconscious.

"How does it work?" Jim asked.

Scotty beamed at him. "Ridiculously simply. If I may demonstrate, Sir…" With that, Scotty lobbed the ball at him.

Reflexively, Jim caught it. As soon as his hands came in contact with the surprisingly heavy ball, it hovered in front of him, humming, emitting the familiar shimmering effect of a force field. Said force field immediately enveloped Jim's whole body, and from one second the next, he could not move. Not even an inch. The harder he tried, the louder the humming sound from the ball became, but all his struggling availed him absolutely nothing.

"Awfully nifty, isn't it?" Scotty said, still beaming. "And this is the best part." He reached out a hand and touched Jim's arm, held on, and moved Jim's arm away from his body, which Jim could not prevent. It was like being a marionette. "Whatever force you use to move is used against you, so there's theoretically no upper limit to the force it can emit. And it only works against you, not against anything manipulating you from outside. I could sedate you now, or hang you up by your hands, or make you make snow angels, or do, well, whatever we agreed on beforehand."

Jim tried to move his arm back, but there was no give, none at all, and he could do nothing more than breathe. "Scotty!" he said, surprised that his mouth worked. "Gonna fall over!"

"Oh yeah, sorry. This is Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott. Unit P08, release."

The force field vanished. With a dull sound, the ball dropped onto the floor, and Jim could move again.

"Voice deactivation, can be keyed to any number of persons," Scotty went on while Jim tried to recover his equilibrium, literally and figuratively. "I thought being able to speak would be nice, because otherwise how else is the subject going to surrender, or use their safe word, for that matter?" He bent down and picked the ball up. "Only drawback is that is uses a lot of energy to maintain the force field, so it will only work for about fifteen minutes, but it's just a prototype at this point. Oh, and it has to make physical contact with the target at one point, so you have to throw this thing and actually hit. Or, I suppose, trick the target into picking it up. It'll work on anyone it's not keyed to, so there's also a danger of friendly fire." He grinned. "There was a pretty hilarious incident with Keenser. Serves that ungrateful oyster right for going through my things."

Scotty's prattling had helped Jim get his bearings back, but he still felt more than a little unsettled. _Noonien's not going to like this. At all._ "Nice work, Scotty," he said, trying to appear more unruffled than he felt. "Can you, uh, key this thing to me?"

"Sure, Sir. Want me to be there when you test it? In case anything goes wrong?"

Jim cringed. "Are you saying that something could go wrong?"

"Nothing should, but you never know, do you, Sir."

Jim thought, and shook his head. "I think I've got this, Scotty. Thanks."

 

* * *

 

The gym, normally only sparsely populated during gamma shift, contained an unusual number of crewmen milling about. Jim threaded his way through them and was not surprised to find Khan at the center.

The Augment was lying on his back, bench pressing an antigrav unit while conversing with the onlookers. Numbers were thrown back and forth. Jim gathered from the remarks he heard that Khan had maxed out the antigrav unit setting, which apparently still wasn't heavy enough to truly challenge him, and was going for repetition.

"One hundred," someone announced.

Jim peered at the unit readout. 500 kg. He shook his head. It seemed that Khan had just pressed a weight of half a ton a hundred times. And was only now beginning to work up a sweat. It was depressing.

The crew had noticed their captain in their midst and stopped to look at him expectantly, but Jim waved them to carry on. Khan probably was already aware of Jim's presence but was ignoring him, also carrying on, apparently intent on reaching two hundred. Or a thousand.

Briefly, Jim considered getting into his own gym gear and working off last night's dinner, but then he decided that his ego could do without the strain. Besides, he was here for another reason. "Mr. Singh, I'd like to see you…" He hesitated. There was no way he could finish that sentence without the crew getting the wrong idea. _… In my quarters… about a certain project… Oh God._ He settled for, "... at your earliest convenience."

Fortunately, his crew was much too disciplined and professional for outright sniggering. Khan looked at him, pushed the unit up two more times without any visible strain, and said, "Very well," looking unnecessarily cut and sexy, covered with a thin sheen of sweat like that. And damn, he smelled good.

Jim took his leave before his body could embarrass him. _Pheromones._

 

* * *

 

Khan's 'earliest convenience' turned out to be an hour later. He appeared in Jim's quarters freshly showered, immaculately dressed in a close-fitting black uniform, and, naturally, still smelling good. "Captain. What is it?"

_Also, still infuriatingly formal._ "Khan. Nice of you to come. Had a good workout?"

"Yes."

Invitation for small talk rejected. Jim's mental radar pinged. "Everything all right?"

"Of course." The Augment's expression looked, to Jim's increasingly practiced eye, carefully blank.

_Odd_ , Jim thought. "Sure?" he said, gesturing for Khan to sit down.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Khan sat, back straight, supremely controlled. "If that is why you wanted to see me, then you are wasting both our time."

And now, even downright brusque. "Call it illogical - you wouldn't be the first -, but my gut tells me there's something you're not telling me." Inspiration struck. "Something about the crewmen in the gym, maybe?"

Khan's eyebrows rose marginally. "Interesting assumption."

Jim looked at him. Khan looked back at him. Jim sighed. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but if there's been any kind of unprofessional behavior towards you, then I'd like to know about it."

There was another pause. "I didn't think that it merited mention," Khan finally said. "But since you are probably going to be stubborn about this, there was some - mostly unspoken - animosity towards me when I entered the gymnasium, which predictably disappeared as soon as I set the training unit to maximum weight."

Jim was relieved; it could have been much worse. Acting like he did - subtly reminding everyone of his superior strength - had clearly been an excellent tactical decision on Khan's part, judging from the almost friendly atmosphere that had been prevalent when Jim entered the scene. But he shuddered to think what might have happened if the Augment had actually felt provoked. "Right. Just… please let me know if anything worse than that happens. If someone doesn't treat you with respect, they'll get a reprimand."

"Jim." Khan leaned forward. "I once ruled over a quarter of Earth. I do not need you to fight my battles for me. Besides, if they don't respect me in the first place, they won't start just because you tell them to. Quite the contrary, in fact."

He had a point, Jim had to admit. And hadn't Bones told him to trust Khan not to go off the rails when something like that happened? "Good, let's leave it at that," he said. "That wasn't why I wanted to see you, anyway." He produced the restraint ball (they had got to find a snazzy name for the thing) and put it on the desk between them. "Scotty's finished a restraints prototype. You up for testing it, Noonien?"

The Augment looked at the ball, then up at Jim. "Interesting design. Very compact. How do you intend to deliver it to its target?"

Jim grinned. "Throw it, for now, but I'll bet Scotty's designing a gun for it as we speak. Don't touch it, you'll set it off. I tried it, and it's really, really weird."

"'Weird.'"

"Yeah. I couldn't move, like, at all. I could breathe and talk, but that was it."

Khan leaned forward, peering at the device from a safe distance. "Has Spock tested it yet?"

"Not to my knowledge. I can always ask him to go first if that's what you prefer."

Khan looked up at him, then went still. His gaze flickered briefly in that way that Jim had learned meant he was thinking. "No," he then said, casually. "That won't be necessary."

Jim's Khan radar pinged again. "If you're having second thoughts about this..." he began, taking yet another shot in the dark.

"... You would still insist on this whole course of action eventually, Jim," Khan finished his sentence. "We both know it makes sense. You really can stop trying to coddle me. I spent weeks restrained and tortured, and centuries in cryogenic freeze. Confinement does not scare me."

Good, Jim wanted to say, but Khan had not finished.

"But have you considered this," the Augment went on. "You and Spock are setting all this in motion now, following a visit to a planet full of disembodied creatures and contact with an alien consciousness from that planet. I was the one who subdued that consciousness. Is it so far out of the realm of possibility that this ship has been boarded by other such beings, and they have taken control of its captain and first officer, much more subtly than last time, to take their revenge on me, or simply to take over this ship in relaliation?" He rose to his feet. "How can I be sure that you are who you pretend to be?"

Jim stared up at him, pointedly remaining seated. "That's... that's paranoia, Noonien."

"Is it?" The Augment took a step back, his posture radiating battle readiness. "It was the first thought that crossed my mind when you suggested this whole thing. I knew that, if my suspicion was correct and I refused your request, I would provoke hostilities and lose control of the situation, so I agreed to all your plans in order to protect the crew, since I didn't know how many consciousnesses actually were aboard. Also, there was the possibility that I was wrong. So I waited, and watched, and compared. I talked with McCoy. I played chess with Spock. I spent time with Scott. And with you. And among your crew, in a place where I would be able to scent many persons at once."

Jim listened, his own mind blank. Never in a million years would he even have dreamed of this possibility.

"Body hijacking would almost certainly result in high stress levels in the host body, which is very easy to smell," Khan went on. "I could smell it in O'Shaughnessy when he was possessed. I smelled nothing out of the ordinary in anyone. I'm now almost a hundred percent certain that I was wrong and that everything is as it's supposed to be, and that the reasons you gave me for your plan are your true reasons." With two steps, he was behind Jim, who was still in his seat, and put his arms around him, holding him immobile. "And as for the remaining one percent..." He buried his face in the crook of Jim's neck and shoulder and inhaled.

Jim shivered. Those arms around his chest could probably kill him in seconds. At the same time, the touch of breath against his neck was very distracting in quite another way. This dichotomy created the delicious frisson of fear and pleasure he was coming to associate uniquely with Khan. Then the Augment nuzzled his skin, and Jim almost groaned aloud.

"Thank you." Khan released him and stepped back.

Jim struggled to keep his body under control and his higher brain functions online. "Jeez. Your mind is a scary place. That really was the first thing that you came up with?"

Khan walked back to his seat and sat down. "Yes. The second scenario was that Section 31 had contacted you, offering you a lot of money for my return, and that you were now working on a method to contain me for transport. I was able to allay that suspicion almost immediately, though."

Jim didn't know whether to be hurt or frustrated. "I thought we had put all this shit behind us, Noonien."

"I'm... sorry, Jim. This is who I am. You told me that the war is over, but I was not made for peace. My mind won't shed the habits of a lifetime. Any person, any being, any situation to me is a potential threat, and I'm not at ease until I've made sure that my family and I are safe. I'll keep these thoughts to myself from now on if they distress you, though."

"No!" Jim said, leaning forward. "No, I want to know what you're thinking. It's part of you, and I care about you, a lot, in case you haven't noticed, and I want to help you be at ease. If I can." He reached out for the Augment's hand, and, after a moment, Khan took his. "You've been carrying that around with you for, what, three days? Why didn't you talk to me?"

Khan looked at him almost pityingly. "If you'd been taken over by an alien consciousness, the last thing I'd do is talk to you about it, Jim."

Jim mentally slapped his forehead. "Okay, that was stupid. But please. The next time you think that Bones is a Section 31 doctor -"

"He's not."

"... or that Scotty's, I don't know, an alien spy in disguise -"

"He's not."

"... "

"I made sure of that, of both facts, a few hours after you released me from confinement. The same goes for several dozen more scenarios that I considered probable at one point or another."

For the third time during this conversation, Jim didn't know what to think. "Uh, any other 'probable scenarios' you're currently evaluating?"

"Certainly. I'd prefer not to voice them until they've become relevant, though. As your consultant, it's my job to only bother you with reasonable suspicions, not nebulous suppositions. But I can tell you that I'm keeping a close eye on O'Shaughnessy for obvious reasons."

Again, Jim supposed that made sense. The young lieutenant had been cleared, but this was deep space, and anything could happen. "Okay, fine." He looked at the restraint ball. "Do you have any nebulous suppositions regarding this thing?"

"Not anymore, no. If you're asking me if I still want to test it, the answer is yes."

Jim bit back on asking him if he was sure. Of course he was sure. The one who wasn't sure was Jim. "Right. So, let's do this, then. As soon as you touch this thing, it will emit a force field that -"

"Jim, I know how it works. Stop. Coddling. Me." With that, Khan reached out and took the metal ball in his hand.

Immediately, the shimmering effect of the force field enveloped him, and he froze mid-motion. His only visible reaction was a fierce frown. Then the soft humming sound from the ball rose in volume and pitch even as Jim could see Khan's muscles bulge underneath the thin fabric of his uniform shirt.

"Noonien -" Jim began, worriedly, remembering what Khan had said. _If I can't break the restraint, I'll break a bone, any bone, with the exception of my skull. I'll tear off whole limbs to free myself, knowing that everything but my head will re-grow._

The humming from the device continued to grow louder. Khan, still completely motionless, began to breathe heavily, veins protruding in his neck, all his muscles thrown in relief.

"Please say you're okay," Jim said with forced calm.

Still no reply except for heavy breathing from Khan and increasingly high-pitched humming from the device.

"If you don't say anything now, I'm calling McCoy and Scotty. This is not worth breaking any bones over, you understand me?"

"Trying... to... overload it," Khan forced out. He took a breath and roared, teeth bared, looking almost inhuman in his efforts to pit his rage and his his augmented strength against the device. Again he roared, tendons and muscles taut. And again.

Jim had just seen him repeatedly bench-press a half ton weight, but hadn't Scotty said something about the device using the subject's strength against them? In that case, nothing Khan did would free him. Unless the device ran out of power.

And that, Jim realized, could be exactly what Khan was counting on. He was relentless, unyielding. Meanwhile, Jim was glad that his quarters were sound proof. What had Scotty said? The device could only maintain the force field for fifteen minutes? But in that case, all Khan would have to do was wait. The device would run out of power eventually, whether he fought it or not.

Then another thought struck. _Maybe he simply can't give up? Maybe he's incapable of just doing nothing as long as he still has the strength to resist? Maybe, underneath all that rage, he really is scared? Maybe he'll only stop fighting when he's exhausted?_

Jim rejected this thought; it made Khan seem like a dumb beast when he was so plainly anything but, no matter what Bones had said about lizard brains and inner animals.

In any case, this had gone on long enough. "Want me to turn it off?"

Wild eyes in a rage-contorted face met his, but instead of a reply, all Jim received in response was another roar. Even though Khan should know by now that nothing he did was going to free him, he still fought, still tried to get free. Jim realized that, if the Augment had just a little bit of room to move, he would really be breaking his own bones at this point. And of course he would never beg for release.

So, Jim made the decision for him. "This is Captain James T. Kirk. Unit P08, release."

The force field disappeared. With a last roar, Khan was out of his chair in an instant, panting, hands in his hair, turning to the wall, fighting for composure. The restraint ball fell to the floor and rolled out of the way, almost unnoticed.

Jim discovered that he was shaking, had been for a while, possibly since the moment Khan had set off the device. He, too, got up, coming up behind the distressed Augment, hand outstretched but not daring to touch.

_What am I afraid of? He's not going to attack me. I know he's not._

"Noonien," Jim said gently, putting a hand on the rock-hard shoulder.

Khan startled violently at the touch, head whipping around to face Jim, hair disheveled, lips parted as if baring his teeth, eyes wide and staring without recognition

Again, Jim found himself reminded of a wild animal, and again he suppressed the thought. He kept his hand on the taut shoulder, stroking it with his thumb.

"Leave me alone," Khan ground out, looking away.

"Oh no, not that again. Not this time." He used both hands to turn Khan around to fully face him; the fact that he was able to told him that the Augment was not actively resisting. "Don't keep turning away from me, Noonien, please." _When will you learn that you can always come to me when you're upset?_ He pulled him in, against token resistance, wrapped his arms around the still taut body, guiding Khan's head against the crook of his neck where it had been before. Held him there, stroking his back, the back of his head. Holding him.

Khan held himself still, not yielding to the embrace, but not fighting it, either.

Finally, Jim felt cool air against his neck as Khan breathed him in, like he had before, Khan taking in Jim's scent, nuzzling the skin under his nose and lips. And then, with a feeling of triumph, Jim could feel the taut muscles under his hands go slack all at once.

They both slid to the floor. Khan's arms went around Jim's waist, returning the hug, holding on. They both clung to each other, legs a hopeless tangle, arms enfolding each other. Both finding comfort in the warmth of touch.

Jim had never felt such a mess of remorse and worry and love and vindication. _He actually trusts me to help him. I'm holding the most dangerous man on this ship, possibly in this quadrant, in my arms because I brought him to a point where he needs my touch and my smell to calm down. And the worst thing is, I'm not done torturing him._

Khan's breathing began to slow; all too soon for Jim's own unexpected need for physical closeness, the Augment raised his head away from Jim's shoulder and made to disentangle himself.

_Well_ , Jim thought, _if I'm not done cuddling, then you most certainly can't be, either._

He pulled him back in, and Khan let himself be pulled. "Don't you dare tell me to leave you alone ever again," Jim said with mock sternness, enfolding him in another hug. "I'm here for you whenever you need me, you stubborn idiot, in case you missed it the first five times we did this."

Khan grunted in response, putting his head back in its place and settling in. "I didn't mean to lose it like this, Jim," he said after a moment. "I should be stronger than that."

Jim merely held him tighter. "According to who?" he said rhetorically. "You're the strongest person I've ever met, mentally and physically. So what if some Augment manual three hundred years ago said that you should never be affected by anything? The base model is still human."

"I share only about seventy percent of my genes with humanity," Khan objected against Jim's neck.

"Not the point. You have feelings, really strong feelings. Normally, you can channel them and use them to sort of boost you and give you strength, which makes you so formidable. It's only when shit like that restraint ball or what Section 31 did to you goes down that you get overwhelmed by them." He fell silent, holding him, the upcoming drug test looming like a gut-shredding demon. "I want you to know, deep down, on a cellular level, that you're not alone. That you can always lean on me. Don't run off and hide like some -" _don't say it don't say it okay say it_ "- wild animal just because your instincts tell you to hide and lick your wounds. I'm part of your family now. Let me be the one you turn to."

There was a pause. "You don't really want that."

Jim frowned in confusion. "Why wouldn't I want that?"

Khan raised his head to look at him. "Because, James Tiberius Kirk, I'm possessive and demanding. If you really want to be that for me, the one I turn to when I need to feel part of a whole, then this -" he nodded at their entwined arms and legs - "will be the norm rather than the exception."

Jim felt himself grinning stupidly. "Still don't see why I wouldn't want that, sorry."

"I can be very needy."

"Still nope." He turned serious. "Stop trying to scare me off. I'm also very needy, Khan Noonien Singh, so we would both get something out of it. So, Augments need physical contact. That's a bit of a surprise to me, but a welcome one. Humans do, too, you know. Win-win."

Khan continued to look at him as if trying to read the truth of Jim's words in his eyes. "It seems you're sure of this," he finally said.

Jim nodded vigorously. "Very."

Nodding to himself, Khan got to his feet, arms hooked around and under Jim's arms and legs, lifting him right up with him. Jim gave a little yelp of surprise but offered no resistance as he found himself carried to his bed and deposited there, followed by the Augment who climbed in next to him and pulled him close, arranging both their limbs to his satisfaction before closing his eyes and giving a contented sigh.

Not having any objection to this, Jim mentally reviewed his shift plan. "I've got to be on the bridge in about half an hour," he mentioned.

"Hmm. Enough time for a little nap." Khan didn't even open his eyes.

And Jim, surrounded by Khan's warmth and smell, comfortable and wholly content, found he had no real objection to that, either. Of course, being James T. Kirk, he soon found himself wanting something involving a little less clothing and a lot more energy expenditure, but before he could voice this, he felt Khan go slack in his arms, asleep.

Truly asleep, the way he had not been even after they had had vigorous sex. Trusting Jim to guard him. Trusting Jim not to hurt him.

It made Jim want to cry.


	3. Chapter 3

As much as Leonard McCoy normally loved research, this time he almost found himself wishing for a Klingon attack just to have an excuse to get away from staring at his computer screen. For days now, he had been getting exactly nowhere. Whenever he thought he had found an agent capable of neutralizing the healing factors in Khan's isolated blood, a subsequent simulation in the virtual model of the Augment's body he had developed when they had first taken Khan aboard showed that that agent would be ineffective _in vivo_. It was just like he had feared. Just because something worked in a petrie dish didn't mean that it would work in a body.

Khan himself had proven surprisingly cooperative when it came to helping Leonard find something to take him out, readily submitting to bioscans and having more blood samples taken. When Leonard had asked him about this apparent contradiction, the Augment had merely smiled his condescending smile and given the same reply, more or less, that he had given before: "The sooner we can admit defeat, the better."

Nevertheless, Khan's knowledge of physiology and biochemistry, for someone whose main specialty was warfare, turned out to be astoundingly extensive and helpful, and at least kept Leonard from wasting time on dead ends. Finally, all known immunologically active substances were among those dead ends, leaving Leonard to ultimately having to synthesize something entirely new.

Even with the resources of an exploratory laboratory at his disposal, making a new substance from scratch that would meet requirements proved to be harder than anticipated. Leonard was just glad about the fact that Spock, who, lest they forget, had also commissioned a knock-out drug, could easily be subdued by an anesthetic known to Vulcan physicians for centuries, so there would be no effort going into that part of the project at least.

He had just finished concocting yet another promising-but-probably-not substance when the opening and closing doors announced the presence of his unlikely subject and even more unlikely lab assistant.

"What is that smell?" was the first thing Khan said, sniffing the air with a look of disgust.

Leonard raised the vial he had been working on. It contained a clear liquid that, to his numb human nose, smelled just like water, that is not at all. "Meet my next potential failure. Simulations say it should work, so there's that. I'm just about to introduce it to your blood."

Scowling, Khan took the vial from him and fanned the air above it to his nose. To Leonard's surprise, the Augment's eyes started to water. "This is noxious," he said, blinking rapidly. "I hope you're not planning on actually injecting me with it."

Leonard held out his hand. "Gimme that." _Strongest reaction to anything I've seen yet. And_ my _eyes are perfectly fine._

Khan readily handed it back, still blinking and frowning. "What is that stuff?"

"Derivative of the poison of an Andorran insect," Leonard said, preparing the blood sample. "I found a similarity between the cell membranes of its prey and one of your healing factors that were activated by the sedative and, and at this point, I'm pretty much grasping at straws. If this stuff dissolves your healing factors at the same rate as it dissolves the cell membranes of the things this insect eats, even for a few seconds, then there might actually be an effect."

Khan looked skeptical. "I suppose it's worth a try."

"My thoughts exactly." Leonard began preparing the required assays.

Still blinking more often than normally, Khan joined him in the preparations with the ease of one used to collaboration in close quarters.

Leonard shot him a look. "Well, there is some reaction at least in the mucosa of your eyes. Any trouble breathing?"

"No. Just a stinging in my eyes, but it's gone now. No lasting effects, either."

"Could be something, though. No other substance we tested until now even got a blink out of you, including tear gas."

Khan looked at him, thoughtful. "You may be right. Let me try something." He used a pipette to take a few drops of the substance and, before Leonard could object, put a drop of it into one eye.

"Are you mad?!" Leonard yelled, taking the pipette away from him before the Augment could do anything else stupid with it. "It's completely untested! You could lose your eyesight, man!"

Khan had clapped a hand over his eye; the other one was closed. "I've got two eyes, Doctor. The worst that could happen is that my eyeball dissolves, which would rob me of stereoscopic vision for a few hours until it re-grows. But it will give us an indication whether this course of action is likely to have any merit."

"As a physician, I don't approve of this, you know," Leonard said, futilely. "How's your eye?"

"Stinging. Definitely a reaction. And it's not stopping."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Look at me and let me rinse it out, then."

"No."

"I beg your pardon?"

"The object of this whole endeavor is to find a substance that will knock my healing out of action. We will be able to tell from this rough-and-dirty experiment how long this particular substance will remain active when in contact with my body, but only if we don't remove it."

Leonard sighed. "You're entirely too careless with your body, you know."

"And you still don't understand that I'm not as fragile as you." Both his eyes were watering badly now.

"Yeah, yeah," Leonard said, trying not to sound worried. "Well, your body's taking care of the rinsing, anyway. Will you let me at least have a look at your eye? I've never actually seen an eyeball dissolve before."

There was a snort that Leonard was tempted to term a laugh. "Be my guest." Khan turned to him and dragged his eyes open.

The affected one was still watering freely, reddened, the mucosa swollen and inflamed, the sclera pink, but Leonard was relieved to note that the cornea was clear - not that this seemed to be worrying Khan himself in the slightest. "Can you see okay?" Leonard asked, nevertheless. He was a doctor, dammit.

"Yes." From his tone of voice, the Augment might as well be drumming his fingers in annoyance.

"Well, good. Any pain?"

"I suppose it does hurt," was the bored reply.

Leonard decided to leave him to it if he was going to be like this. "Let me know if it gets any worse."

Khan grunted. " Are we going to see to the blood sample now?"

Now, Leonard did roll his eyes. "All right." He loaded the assays and put everything in motion. With that done, all they had to do was wait. As he worked, Leonard kept checking up on Khan surreptitiously, noting that the redness did not recede.

After a while, Khan rubbed the affected eye with a grimace that Leonard did not like at all.

"Eyeball dissolving yet?" he asked, sarcastically.

Khan growled. "It keeps hurting, which is beginning to annoy me."

At least he wasn't trying to deny his discomfort, like a certain hobgoblin and young hothead of Leonard's acquaintance would. "Well, then let me do my fucking job and get the stuff out already."

The Augment opened his mouth, but Leonard overrode him.

"If the substance works as we're hoping it will, then no, it won't just stop. Your eye will go on hurting, because your healing won't work. That's good news for our stupid project and bad news for your eye." He opened a drawer and produced one of his gadgets. Holding it out to Khan, he added, "Here. This was made for acid spills in the eye. Use it yourself if letting yourself be treated by a physician is beneath you."

Khan took the eye rinser. "It's not so much beneath me as unheard of. Usually, when doctors use machines on me, they aren't intent on doing no harm." In spite of his words, he placed the thing over his eye and let it do what it was made to do.

Leonard bit his lip at this casual reminder of Khan's troubled relationship with members of the medical profession. "Time for new experiences, then," he said with forced brightness.

The Augment grunted with what Leonard was beginning to recognize was amusement.

As Khan kept his eye from trickling down his cheek, Leonard watched the test results that were beginning to come in. "Hey, this is actually looking good," he said. "The stuff hasn't vanished from my monitors yet."

Khan put the eye rinser down and joined Leonard. "You're right," he said, blinking through what Leonard hoped was residual discomfort. "My isolated blood can't deal with it. Very impressive."

"Thank you, but we're not home free yet. For the next step, I'll need some somatic cells in a united structure. Epidermis would do." He watched Khan eye the antiquated scalpels he kept on display and anticipated him. "And no, I'm not letting you cut off a finger for this."

Khan raised his eyebrows. "Why not? It'll regrow, and you'd have a variety of cell types to choose from."

Leonard couldn't believe his ears. "'Why not'?! It's unethical, that's why not. A tiny little epidermial biopsy will do. I don't need a whole finger. Jesus. I thought I was kidding."

Was that an actual smile on Khan's face? "As the saying went in my time, Doctor, I was taking the piss out of you. I may heal fast, but I'm not a masochist."

"Says the man who just put an untested substance into his eye," Leonard said, refusing to be amused. "At this point, there's nothing I'd put beyond you. And for the record, your sense of humor is abysmal."

 

* * *

 

"Well, Jim," Bones said, looking unhappy. "Your favorite ex-tyrant and myself have concocted something. I've run every conceivable test that I can perform _ex vivo_ , every simulation the computer could come up with, and a few more that I made up on the spot. I think we've got something. But, well, we need to test it _in vivo_ now. In him."

Jim bit his lip. That was what he had wanted. But now, faced with actually having to go through with it, he was having second, third, and fourth thoughts. "Good," he said, trying to sound like he knew what he was doing. "Give it to me straight, Bones. What's the worst that can happen?"

"The absolute worst, as far as my test results indicate, is that his healing gets affected so bad that it never recovers, but I don't think that will happen. We have no idea what his body will do with the substance, though, how fast it'll be neutralized."

"Hang on," Jim said, way past worried and accelerating towards frantic. "His healing might never recover? Then we're not doing it."

"No, no, I said I don't think that will happen. His eye is fine now, so there's definitely recovery happening post exposure."

This just kept getting worse. "'His eye'? Bones, what the hell have you been doing to him?!"

Bones raised his hands. "I didn't do anything to him. Your pet Augment decided to do a little unplanned experiment on himself before I could stop him."

"Jeez." Jim took a breath and told himself to stop overreacting. That did sound just like Khan, after all. "Okay. Okay, Bones. Back to that other thing. What are the odds of his healing never recovering, just so I can put it out of my mind?"

"I'd say less than one percent, but that's a guesstimate, not a reliable figure. I'm a doctor, not a statistician."

"Good enough for me." He bit his lip. _It is logical. It was Spock's suggestion, and he would never suggest something he thinks is a bad idea. Noonien's okay with it. You're being protective of the last person who needs protecting, Jimbo._ "Right. Prepare everything, then. We're doing this as soon as everybody can spare a few hours."

 

* * *

 

"All right," Leonard said, holding up a hypo containing a mixture of a common knock-out drug and what he was privately calling 'Khan-Ex'. "I can't stress enough that this whole procedure is so unethical that I can hardly believe I'm allowing it, but, in the absence of augmented lab rats to do Phase II clinical testing on, we have to proceed from Phase I right to Phase III, do not pass go."

"Whatever that means," Jim said, lips white, face tight. He was plainly nervous as hell. "Skip the speeches, Bones, and let's get this over with so we can all forget about this whole thing."

"Seconded," Khan said from his position on the medbed, where he was lying, hands folded on his stomach, as cool as a cucumber, Jim hovering next to him like an expectant father.

It would all be ridiculously adorable if what they were about to do wasn't so damned dangerous.

"All right," Leonard said again. He approached the medbed, meeting Khan's gaze.

The Augment's face looked as controlled as it had when they had first taken him aboard. By now, with all that he had learned about Khan, Leonard did not need to check his monitors to know that the very tightness of his control meant that his adrenaline levels were high. Khan was scared, and a scared Khan was a Khan nine of ten steps on his way towards angry. So Leonard kept what he had wanted to say to himself and merely raised the hypo in a silent question.

A nod from Khan, a hiss from the hypo, and they were committed.

The first thing that happened was increased hovering from Jim, who so obviously held himself back from taking Khan's hand that Leonard wanted to snap at him to just do it already. _Oops. Seems I'm nervous, too. Surprise._

Still looking tense, Khan had closed his eyes, breathing deeply, apparently waiting for the effect to set in. Leonard started counting in his head. _If all goes well, he'll go to sleep within thirty seconds. Hah. 'If all goes well'. When does it ever?_

When Leonard had reached forty-five, the Augment's eyes slowly drifted open. He blinked sluggishly, looking at nothing.

"Noonien?" This from Jim, who had finally given in to the urge to take the Augment's hand.

Khan did not respond.

Leonard checked his monitors. _Sedative accounted for and working, muscle relaxant accounted for and working. He should be out like a light. And my 'Khan-Ex' which I really should stop calling that even in my head is accounted for as well. And working the way it should. I hope. So, what's going on?_

Khan was most decidedly not out, despite what Leonard's monitors were saying. The Augment was frowning in what looked like dazed confusion, blinking and trying to focus on Jim, who was still holding his hand.

"It's okay," Jim said softly, leaning over him to catch his unfocused gaze, "it's okay, you can go to sleep. Just go to sleep. It's just me and Bones here, it's perfectly safe. Don't fight it, okay? You're probably feeling funny, but that's okay. Don't worry about it. You can allow yourself to go to sleep. I'll be here, I'll stand guard until you wake up. Okay?" He was sounding so much like a man in love that Leonard was glad he was the only one here to witness it.

The tenderness in Jim's voice did not seem to reach Khan, however. There was no response from him except for continued frowning and slow blinking.

A ping from the monitor drew Leonard's attention to the adrenaline reading, which was far too high, just like he had feared. _What part of being sedated aren't you getting?_ he fumed silently. _If not out, you should be high as a kite now, spilling your most embarrassing childhood memories, and not be this close to breaking poor Jim's neck. Damned Augments and their crazy body chemistry._

"Bones?" Jim's voice interrupted him. "What's going on? Why won't he go to sleep?"

Leonard sighed and did what he did best - taking wild stabs in the dark. "The sedative seems to have stalled after putting his neocortex out of action, which means he's still awake but not thinking clearly, if at all. I'm guessing that his healing neutralized part of the sedative before my -" _don't call it 'Khan-Ex'_ -"revolutionary anti-healing substance got in on the act. At least the muscle relaxant seems to be working, else he'd be at your throat by now."

Now, Jim looked alarmed. "What? At my throat? Why?"

Leonard pointed at the adrenaline readout. "He's working up rage, Jim. Higher brain functions not working, for him, probably means the only thing left functioning is fight-or-flight. If he weren't near-paralyzed, we'd have our hands full now."

"So he's scared and angry, even though he knows he's among friends?" Jim sounded more than a bit scared and angry himself.

"I doubt he even knows where he is, let alone who we are, so, yeah. Unless you can somehow convince the rudimentary part of his mind that's still online that he's not in danger."

Jim's face cleared at that, but he had no time to implement whatever bright idea he had, because, at that moment, Khan had gathered enough strength to break through the muscle-relaxant and roll himself off the medbed, away from Jim.

And of course Khan had just enough control in his half-paralyzed body to manage to fall off the medbed before Jim could get a hold of him, but not enough to make the drop without hurting himself. And, even more of course, hitting his head and landing hard on one shoulder meant he now was in enough pain to really go into fight-or-flight.

Jim was there in an instant, just in time to get himself smacked in the face by a flailing hand as Khan fought him off, trying to crawl away. "Ow! No, no, don't run away from me, Noonien, please. I'm not an enemy. I'm only trying to help you."

"Stupid sedative hasn't even managed to take out his visual center entirely," Leonard groused, noticing Khan trying to focus on Jim without recognizing him. _I wonder what would happen if I hit him again, just with a normal sedative this time. Should theoretically tip the scale towards putting him to sleep. Practically, I have no fucking idea._

Meanwhile, Jim had enveloped Khan in a bear hug, but this only seemed to panic the Augment more, so Jim let him go again and just tried to reach him with words. "Noonien, it's me, Jim. I swear you're safe with me. There's no danger here. It's all safe. You're among friends. Please, let me help you."

But Khan clearly was too out of it to understand. Leonard only caught a glimpse of the Augment's face before Jim blocked his view in another attempt to subdue him, but the expression of pure terror there made him bite his lips hard.

_Who ever thought that this was a good idea?_

While Leonard ran a quick simulation on what would happen with more sedative, he could hear Jim curse and grunt behind him. "Didn't you mention a muscle relaxant, Bones? How come he's still so damned strong?"

"I also said," Leonard grumbled, fuming at the computer to work faster, "that I could never do any proper testing in a live body, and guess what, we're seeing the difference between theory versus practice. But I can tell you this much; if the muscle-relaxant weren't working, you'd probably be dead now." Just then, the computer came up with a result, agreeing with Leonard's gut feeling that using more sedative was contra-indicated. "Well, fuck."

When he turned back to Jim and Khan, he found the two of them entwined in each other, half leaning against a wall, Jim's hand cradling the back of Khan's head so that his face was buried against his neck. For the moment, the Augment appeared to have calmed down somewhat, nobody was bleeding, nobody had any broken bones. Jim sported the beginnings of a bruise on his cheek, but if that was the whole extent of injuries this stupid idea would get them at the end of the day, then Leonard was going to count himself lucky.

As soon as Leonard thought that, Khan gave an angry yell that seemed to contain the word 'no' and bucked Jim off, thrashing and getting in a good kick that Leonard wasn't sure was purely an accidental hit. Jim went 'oof' as he flew backwards, colliding with the medbed.

Leonard winced. "You okay, Jim?"

"Fine," Jim said curtly, scrambling to go after Khan before the Augment could crawl away too far. "Didn't hit me where it counts. You're right; he's barely able to move."

Jim managed to capture Khan and hold him again, his own face looking almost as ravaged as Khan's. "God, Bones," Jim panted once the Augment was once again secure in his arms, "this is terrible. How long is this gonna go on for?"

Leonard sighed. "Until the sedative wears off and he can think again, I guess. At least for another hour or two, if he's metabolizing the drug at a normal human rate. Which may or may not be the case."

Khan bucked in Jim's arms, but this time, Jim managed to hold on, barely. If the expression on Jim's face was anything to go by, he was feeling as wretched and desperate as Leonard had ever seen him. This continued struggle with the barely conscious Augment was clearly getting to him.

"You might want to use that restraining thingy Scotty designed before he does manage to hurt you, Jim."

It was the wrong thing to say. Jim looked up at him, eyes blazing. "No! I'm never using that thing on him again, Bones, unless I absolutely have to."

Reacting to the forcefulness of Jim's voice, Khan moaned and once again tried to shake off Jim's arms, but Jim hung on, barely.

Leonard nodded meaningfully at the scuffle and raised his eyebrows.

Jim continued to glare. "Forget it. You should have seen him when we tried it, Bones," He spoke more gently now, for Khan's benefit. "He almost flew off the handle, even though he knew what to expect. Trust me, restraining him will only make this worse. Especially now that he doesn't understand what's happening to him."

Khan gave a growling sound, his arm flailing free.

Jim gently pulled the flailing arm back in, which resulted in more growling. "Calm down, calm down, it's okay. I'm not restraining you, see? You can move if you want to. I'm only holding you. You remember this, don't you? Me holding you. You said you wanted more of that." There was another sound from Khan, this one decidedly less angry, and Leonard was surprised to see the Augment clumsily drag himself closer to Jim, beginning to cling to him. And Jim, making a small sad sound, enveloped him in his arms and held him close.

Leonard looked at them both leaning awkwardly against the wall, and sighed again. "Okay, I see your point. All right, I don't think we should try moving him, so you may as well just settle in right where you are. I'll go get some stuff for you to be more comfortable."

 

* * *

 

Jim's world had narrowed down to Khan.

For the moment, Khan was resting calmly against him, his nose buried against his neck, reassured by Jim's by now familiar smell. But never for long. Sooner or later, something would happen to spook the Augment, some sound maybe, or some small change in Jim's breathing, and from one second to the next, Khan would go from quiescent to frantic.

When Jim paid attention, he was able to anticipate that. There always was that split second of stalling in the rhythm of Khan's breathing just before he went into spitting rage mode, and if Jim caught that, he could hold him tight and close and ride out the few minutes it took for Khan to realize that nothing was hurting him, and to calm down again.

The worst was that he could feel the Augment's constant terror at being unable to move or think properly, could hear it in the way Khan's breathing was just that little bit too fast, the characteristic pauses between breaths Jim had learned to listen for no longer noticeable. For someone always feeling so superior, always thinking and planning, someone always several steps ahead of everyone else, it must be thoroughly unnerving to not even know where he was and who he was with, and, on top of that, to be near-paralyzed and unable to flee or fight. It was only when Khan was close enough to Jim to smell him that he could grasp, with that part of his mind that only knew fight for flight, that the warm body next to him belonged to someone he knew, someone he trusted, and that, as long as he could smell that someone, he would be safe until he recovered.

So Jim made sure to hold him tight against his body, with Khan's breath gusting over his skin in fast, desperate snuffles, both of them enveloped in the blanket Bones had dug up from somewhere, and hoped like hell that this would soon be over.

Meanwhile, Jim was busy with self-reproach. _Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I was afraid this would happen. I should never have allowed this. We should have tested the stuff more and gone ahead with it only when we were sure there was no risk left at all. What if he ends up hating me for doing this to him? What if he never trusts me again? We've come so far. What if that's gone now, and all he wants when this is over is get off my ship and never see me again? What if he hates me for it?_

At the other end of the room, Jim could see Bones in his office, grumbling at the medical computers, apparently still trying to find a way to neutralize his drug. _And that's another thing,_ Jim berated himself. _We should have made sure we have something to neutralize it before we used it. How can anyone be so stupid?_

It didn't help to remember that Khan himself had agreed to this, and that Bones had said that they were as certain as they would ever be, that there simply had been no way to do more tests. Jim could feel Khan breathing against his neck, desperately making sure that it was Jim who was with him, over and over, the readiness to fight lurking just below the surface, and it made Jim want to ask him for forgiveness even though he knew that the Augment still was too far gone to understand the meaning of words.

There it was again - a brief pause in Khan's breathing. Immediately, Jim ran his hand up and down the Augment's back, keeping his face close to his neck with his other hand. "It's okay," he said for what felt like the hundredth time, "you're safe, you'll be okay. Just rest. Be calm. It'll pass. I swear it'll pass. Oh God, I'm so sorry."

Khan made a sound, and this time, instead of trying to get away, he mumbled something that sounded like Jim's name and pulled himself closer.

Jim felt his eyes sting at this instinctive show of trust that he had begun to fear he'd lost. "Yeah, I'm here. I'm here with you. It's okay." _As long as we're okay, it'll be okay._

He was not going to wonder when Khan had become so important to him, not now. For now, It was enough to know that he was, and that, for whatever reason, Jim seemed to be important to Khan, too. Fiercely loyal Khan, who would stop at nothing to protect him. Not even at agreeing with something like this, something that rendered him so vulnerable. Doing everything he could to protect Jim, even if it was from Khan himself.

_And me, I'm just a farm boy from Iowa who was too stubborn to realize that I shouldn't be here at all. I don't deserve any of this, least of all someone who loves me like that._

 

* * *

 

From his office, Leonard McCoy watched the blanketed bundle on the floor, lost in thought.

 _What a strange road this whole Section 31 thing has set us on,_ he mused. _Now Jim's hooked up with a genetically engineered superman with a history of being a homicidal maniac, and I can't for the life of me see how that's a bad thing anymore._

On the contrary. It was plain to see for anyone with eyes that this was, in fact, a very good thing for both of them, and not just because they were able to give each other comfort and reassurance in times like this. Without Jim, Khan would now either be dead or on a rampage before getting captured or killed sooner or later. Without Khan, Jim would still be this unhappy cruising hothead looking for stability in his life, probably also on the road to a premature death from sheer self-negligence. Now that they had each other, they both had something to live for, something to fight for.

Leonard was glad for them. They deserved some happiness after they life they'd had, and Leonard would do everything in his power to make sure they had a decent shot at it.

 

* * *

 

After much trial and error, Leonard had come to the conclusion that nothing he could do would make any damned difference. Khan would just have to metabolize the drug like any normal human, and that was that.

Time to check on his patient, who he found still on the floor, bundled in the blanket in Jim's arms, at last resting quietly. "I think he's beginning to come out of it," Jim said hopefully, looking up as Leonard approached.

"Yeah," Leonard agreed. HIs monitors had said the same thing. "About time, too. Can't have the two of you keep crowding my sickbay like that." He caught sight of a dark shadow on Khan's face and hunkered down to make sure he wasn't seeing things. And, nope, not seeing things. "I don't like the look of that, though," he added, pointing at Khan's forehead that was mottled with red and blue.

"Hmm?" Jim squinted, but clearly couldn't see the injury from this angle, what with the Augment's face all but squished into his neck. "What's that?"

"Bruise," Leonard said, succinctly. "Probably from when he fell and hit his head."

"Yeah," Jim said, obviously not getting it. "Why, is it bad?"

"Probably not," Leonard said, "but it's been almost two hours, and it's not healing."

"But your drug knocked out his healing, didn't it? So it stands to reason that it's not healing yet, right?"

Leonard sighed. "Yeah, I suppose. I just was hoping would've kicked in by now. I really have no idea how long his healing will be affected."

Jim shrugged as well as he could with Khan's head on his shoulder. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, right? One crisis at a time, Bones."

Khan groaned, stirring, and Leonard could see him try to focus. "Jim...?" The word was badly slurred, but recognizable.

"Yeah, I'm here," Jim said, arranging them both so Khan could see his face. "How are you feeling?"

There was a long pause during with Khan frowned, blinking twice. Just when Leonard had decided that the Augment was still too out of it for talking, Khan said slowly, "Not good. Feel sick. Head hurts."

"Could be a concussion," Leonard said, leaning forward. "How many fingers am I holding up?" he said, making the victory sign in Khan's face.

Bleary blue-green eyes focused on his hand. "I'm not seeing double," Khan said, slurring the words and still managing to sound testy. "I said I was... feeling sick." He took a deep breath, paling alarmingly.

"Uh oh." Leonard levered himself to his feet and went to find a bowl.

"Jim," Khan's confused voice came, "what have you done to me? Why am I feeling like this?" He groaned in abject misery. "What's happening?"

"It's the drug," Jim replied. "You're probably going to be sick." There was a pause.

Leonard had found a bowl and turned back, in time to see Khan look at Jim with an expression of utter incomprehension on his increasingly pale face.

"You're gonna puke," Jim clarified, apparently thinking that this was a semantics problem.

Khan looked at Leonard for confirmation, and Leonard had a light bulb moment. _He's probably never been sick in his life. Never before has something affected him for long enough. This is a new experience for him, poor bastard._

Leonard shoved the bowl under the Augment's face. "Jim's right. Common reaction to the use of anaesthetics. Your body is trying to get rid of the drug using the same reaction it would have to something you ate. Just let it happen; you'll feel better."

And Khan, not having a choice, did. Repeatedly and wretchedly, and looking quite confused by what his body was doing.

Jim held him, stroking his back while the Augment heaved and Leonard went for a glass of water and some tissues.

"If this is some kind of torture," Khan groaned when the bout of vomiting was over, voice hoarse from all the bile, "I have to admit it's very effective."

It was a testament to how far they'd all come, Leonard mused, that both he and Jim were immediately aware that that had been an attempt at Augment humor.

Jim smiled, looking relieved for the first time in hours, and wordlessly hugged Khan close. Khan, in turn, unselfconsciously snuggled in, closing his eyes, clearly right where he wanted to be.

"Oh God," Leonard said in mock disgust. "I'm getting diabetes from watching you two. Jim, grab your despot and go do that in your quarters, okay? You're taking up too much of my floor."

Jim deigned to favor him with a glare.

Leonard raised his eyebrows at him. "Seriously, Jim, the worst is over, but he's going to be feeling like shit for a bit longer. Take him to where he can sleep it off in peace and quiet." _And whatever else you think he needs._


	4. Chapter 4

They did go to Jim's quarters, on the grounds that it offered the bigger bed. Khan walked slowly, on decidedly wobbly legs still affected by the muscle relaxant, glowering down at his body in evident disapproval of its continued weakness, while Jim held him upright and took care of navigation.

When they had reached their destination, Khan walked straight to the bed and sat down heavily, staring at his booted feet with the air of a man gathering the last of his strength for one final effort. He was saved by Jim, who took care of both their boots, leaving Khan to let himself fall backwards onto the bed, groaning.

Boots taken care of, Jim looked at Khan's face, still pale; at the spectacular bruise adorning his forehead, the slight frown between his black brows. Khan's eyes were closed, and he looked miserable, in a controlled way. Clearly, Bones had been right. This was not going to pass quickly.

Efficiently, Jim pulled the blanket out from under the unresponsive Augment, dragged the limp body properly onto the bed, and covered it with the blanket.

When he stood back, thinking to find more blankets and maybe get a glass of water, Khan's eyes opened. An imperious arm extricated itself from the blanket, reaching for him.

Jim took the offered hand, smiling. "I'll be right back."

He got an unhappy growl in response, the hand he held tightening around his and beginning to pull at him. "In. Now."

"'In now'?" Jim grinned, readily letting himself be pulled onto the bed.

"Yes." Khan hooked one leg around his and an arm around his shoulders. "In." A pull, and Jim was flush against the warm body. "Now." The Augment curled around him, arms and legs wrapped around Jim, his head nudging against Jim's neck, finding a place to settle, and then Khan went limp with a pleased sigh.

Still smiling fondly, Jim freed an arm to drag the blanket over them both. Clearly, he was not going anywhere anytime soon, which was perfectly all right with him.

Khan made a sound between a growl and a hum, eloquently telling Jim to stop fidgeting and get with the snuggle program.

So Jim did. For long minutes, their only movements were Jim's arm stroking slowly up and down the Augment's back and Khan's head nudging rhythmically into Jim's neck. Whenever Jim stopped, Khan gave a soft growl of protest, so Jim stopped stopping, content to just keep giving him what he evidently needed.

Which, considering, was such a simple, little thing; just physical closeness and affection from someone he trusted. All the more tragic was the fact that, for so long, surrounded by people that either wanted to exploit him or kill him, he had not had even that.

Had all the Augments been like this, Jim wondered, turning to one another for this kind of affection? Khan had called them his crew, his friends, his family. Had they also been his lovers? Had he ever known love from anyone, augmented or not? Had he ever sought that kind of love? Had there even ever been time or opportunity in his life for any kind of relationship?

So many things Jim didn't know, so many things still to find out about this extraordinary being he now held in his arms. One thing he did know, though: he was never going to deny him this simple, little thing, however often Khan asked for it.

The rhythm of Khan's breathing changed, his head seeming to grow heavier. Jim slowed and finally stopped the movement of his hand. The Augment allowing himself to fall asleep in his arms was such an incredible gift, especially now that Jim had feared to have lost Khan's trust forever with their stupid drug test, that he was going to cherish it whenever it happened.

 

* * *

 

Hours later, they still lay, as close to each other as they could get. Jim was enjoying the warmth and comfort while Khan drifted in and out of sleep, looking more recovered each time he opened his eyes, the bruise on his forehead slowly fading. Whenever he woke up, he would cast a brief glance around and at Jim before going back to sleep.

"What are you looking for?" Jim asked him softly at one such time when the Augment had woken once more.

"Hmm?" Khan replied, his eyes drifting closed again.

"When you wake up," Jim clarified. "You look around as if you're looking for something."

"Not looking for anything," Khan said, voice rough from sleep, snuggling in more comfortably and nudging him with his face.

Jim obligingly hugged him closer and went back to stroking his back.

"Just checking."

"Checking for what?" Jim asked, curious.

He could feel Khan's lips against his neck. "For danger. For the sounds from the ship. Your reaction to them. I want to get to know the Enterprise as well as you do. You know all the sounds she might make and what they mean. Whenever there's a sound I don't know yet, I want to be able to tell if it's good or bad, so I'm taking my cues from you."

Jim nodded, thinking he understood. "Surely you can hear more sounds than me, though."

There was a pause. Jim slowly stroked him, listening to him breathe, feeling it against his skin. Inhalation - exhalation - pause. Repeat. It was so soothing.

"I hope that, one day, you'll be taking your cues from me," Khan said against Jim's neck, just when Jim had decided that the Augment had gone back to sleep.

And Jim could imagine it. One day, in the hopefully not too distant future, Khan still by his side, having learned from him, Jim having learned from Khan. Not just about the sounds his - their - ship made; but about everything they had to teach one another. True synergy. They were going to be invincible. "Watch out, galaxy," he said softly, grinning.

Khan gave an impatient growl, strong arms closing around Jim, and rolled them both over, Jim giggling in a way that would have embarrassed him in any other situation as he was manhandled and his body arranged to the Augment's satisfaction, Khan's head coming to rest against his neck in mirror image of before, his body going still once more.

Jim threaded his fingers through the dark strands of his hair and was rewarded with a deep humming sound. "Go back to sleep, tiger," Jim whispered fondly, feeling secure in the embrace of the most dangerous man he knew, hoping that Khan was feeling as safe as he did. Sleep, and get well again.

Slow breaths, in - out - pause. Again. And again. Then the subtle lessening of tension Jim had learned to anticipate, and Khan was asleep.

Once more, Jim stopped his stroking, smiling softly. The desire to kiss the Augment's closed eyes was overwhelming, but, knowing that this would surely wake Khan, Jim was content to allow his own eyes to drift closed.

Warmth. Safety. Happiness.

 

* * *

 

A soft chime from the computer informed Jim that it was time to get up and be the captain.

Not surprised that he, too, had fallen asleep, Jim stretched, reveling in the feeling of being surrounded by Khan-ness.

He opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was a mop of black hair. It made him smile even more.

Jim waking up, of course, meant Khan waking up. The Augment, sensing Jim's increasing alertness, raised his head to peer at him. "Alpha shift?" His voice, unused for hours, was even deeper than usual, his hair in complete disarray.

That particular combination did things to Jim that he had no time for now, dammit. "Alpha shift," he confirmed. "How are you feeling?"

"Better."

Jim reached out and brushed a finger over the fading bruise. "But not well yet," he guessed.

"No," Khan said with that fearless adherence to facts that characterized him. "At least not quite."

Extricating himself regretfully from the Augment's warm limbs and the blanket, Jim took off his crumbled uniform top. "Well, just stay here, then. Sleep some more, if you can. I'll be back in a few hours." He tossed his top in the general direction of the hamper.

A hand shot out of the nest of blanket to snatch the top out of the air as it sailed past. Hugging his prize close, Khan settled back under the blanket with a mischievous glance at Jim, his nose buried in the top.

Unaccountably touched, Jim tucked the blanket in around the strong body, and, just because he could, leaned down to kiss that aristocratic brow.

When he rose up again, Khan's ice blue gaze met his. "I find myself increasingly unwilling to let you go," the Augment said, scowling.

Jim returned the scowl. "I find myself increasingly unwilling to go, you know."

"I know." Those almost alien-looking eyes gave him a once-over that Jim could practically feel against his skin.

Jim scowled some more. "You're not helping, Noonien."

"You should leave, then, before I do what's in my genes and take you hostage."

That made Jim's scowl disappear as he smiled fondly. Augment humor. "And take command of my ship?"

"And take command of your body. _Captain_."

And just like that, Jim reflected, Khan had progressed from using his title like a swearword to using it like a caress, both equally effective in riling him up, if in fundamentally different ways.

"Hold that thought," he said, " _Khan_."

 

* * *

 

It had definitely been one of the subjectively longest shifts in Jim's experience. It, too, ended eventually, though, and he promptly made it his business to be back in his quarters.

Or at least, that was the plan. He had just left the bridge and was in the turbolift when Bones paged him, calling him to sickbay.

"What's up, Bones?" he said, strolling in, trying not to look worried. Whenever Bones wasn't comfortable telling him something over the intercom, shit usually was about to hit the fan.

"Oh, hi, Jim." Bones smiled at him, patently not wearing his people-are-gonna-die face, which was reassuring, Jim supposed. "Sorry to bother you. It could be nothing, but I thought I'd mention it."

Jim gestured impatiently. "Spit it out."

"Just something for you to watch out for. I've been running another simulation on the computer model I have on Singh, since monitoring my patients outside of sickbay is generally frowned upon. My computer seems to think that there may be another side effect to our stupid drug test."

"Wait, what? Didn't you say the worst is over?"

"I said that, yeah. Seems I may have been wrong, or at least exaggerating. Hallucinations, Jim. Mr. I'm-better-at-everything may fail to mention this to you, but he had sensory hallucinations when I first hit him with the knock-out drug. Just for a second or two. But now, with my Kh-…" he hesitated. "With my healing-affecting drug in him, that particular effect may be a bit prolonged. The computer agrees with me, so…"

_Hallucinations. So he wasn't just checking for the sounds from the ship. Sneaky bastard._ "Understood," Jim said briskly. "Thanks for the heads-up, Bones."

Bones peered at him. "You don't seem surprised. Have you noticed anything?"

_Only Noonien looking for things that weren't there._ "Maybe."

Now, Bones was the one looking concerned. "Jim, do I need to remind you that he's five times stronger than you? If he thinks you're attacking him because he's seeing things, you could get killed. Where is he now?"

"My quarters."

Bones rolled his eyes. "Of course, what a stupid question. For God's sake, be careful, Jim. At least take that restraint thingy."

" _No_."

"Jim."

"Bones, he's fine. If he's really hallucinating, he's managing it. It's not obvious in any way. I wouldn't even have noticed it if you hadn't said anything."

"Well, if you're sure." Bones didn't sound convinced.

"I am. He's not gonna harm me. I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

 

* * *

 

When Jim entered his quarters, he took a step back in surprise.

Where he had expected Khan in bed the way he had left him, pliant and half asleep, there was instead a sudden flurry of movement from the bed that ended with Khan throwing himself out of it as if taking cover.

"Woah!" Jim said, raising his hands instinctively. _Bones was right, dammit. He is hallucinating._ "Noonien! What's wrong?"

For a moment, nothing happened. Then Khan picked himself up from behind the bed and stood, looking disheveled but unharmed. "Nothing." To Jim's Khan-trained ears, his voice sounded carefully controlled.

Jim stepped closer. The bruise on his forehead was gone now, but Augment still looked... spooked. Worry settled in his stomach. "What happened?" he asked again, wanting him to admit that something was wrong.

For a moment, Khan held his gaze, then he closed his eyes in an attitude of defeat and sat down on the bed. At least he did not turn his back on Jim. "You startled me," he said reluctantly. "Out of a nightmare."

_Oh. That… would actually explain it. If in doubt..._ Jim walked around the bed and sat down next to him. "Sorry." He was no stranger to nightmares himself, but he supposed that his were a walk in the park compared to what the Augment, with his history and volatile emotional makeup, saw in his dreams.

"No, I'm sorry." Khan did not look at him, but he did not move away, either. "I almost attacked you." Abruptly, Jim found himself enveloped in a hug. "I would have attacked you if you had come any closer," Khan said against his neck. "I might have killed you."

Jim returned the hug as well as he could with his arms pinned to his sides. "It's all right. You didn't."

"I might have killed you," Khan repeated as if Jim hadn't spoken at all. "I would never forgive myself. To wake up from _that_ and then to find you dead by my hand. _Never_."

"Hey," Jim said gently, "hey, it's okay. It didn't happen. We're both fine." He hesitated. "You're feeling better, right?"

Khan laid his head on Jim's shoulder, not letting go but loosening the hold of his arms to something more manageable. "I haven't had a nightmare this bad in… very long. My mind is normally better disciplined than that. I suppose it could be a last lingering effect of the drug. But other than that, yes."

Jim smiled in relief. No subterfuge here, just brutally honest Khan."Yeah, Bones mentioned something. Said you might be hallucinating." Now that he could move again, he ran his hand up and down Khan's back, finding comfort in the touch, feeling the lingering tension in the body he held slowly ease.

"I did, at one time, but I knew it might happen, so I was prepared. It seems to have passed now." More uncompromising honesty, explaining everything.

Jim felt the deep voice vibrate in his chest, which reminded his body of the agenda they had postponed earlier, but he ignored it. This was not about him. "I'm sorry for startling you," he repeated, sincerely contrite.

"Don't be. Now that I'm awake, I'm glad you woke me."

"Want to talk about it?" Jim asked, impulsively.

Khan's nose nudged against Jim's neck. Jim thought he would never get tired of that. And then, with a flawlessly executed wrestling move, Khan maneuvered them both onto the bed and under the blanket. Jim thought he would never get tired of that, either.

The Augment's head found its by now familiar place in the crook of Jim's neck, one tightly muscled arm lying across Jim's chest. Warm. Safe. "No," Khan finally answered Jim's question, "but I will, anyway. You should know about these things." Fearlessly open, again. Clearly, he even was better at communicating.

Jim stroked him encouragingly, a burst of warmth swelling in his chest and behind his eyes. Pride. Love.

"Memories," Khan said, his voice growing even deeper and somehow more detached. "Usually, they have their function. They make us who we are. They teach us about the reasons for success and for failure. They teach us about ourselves. About those we love." He paused briefly. "But some memories offer no lessons. They only exist to torment us. They are the ones that nightmares are made of."

Jim tightened his arms briefly about the Augment. Khan was clearly leading up to something that Jim, despite his offer, wasn't sure he wanted to hear.

"When Marcus had me, he used me not only to foster his little agenda. I asked you a while ago what your plans for me were, mentioning the personal favors that Marcus had required of me, and you were outraged by your assumptions what those personal favors might have involved. Your assumption were correct. In his small way, Marcus truly was the kind of despot that history accuses me of having been. He used his power indiscriminately, mercilessly. And I, with the lives of my crew in the balance and at his mercy, had no way to refuse him. So I did what I was made for. I endured, and I bided my time."

"God." Jim felt himself growing cold with rage and horror. "No."

"As you may know," Khan went on relentlessly, "I can't be forced to experience arousal or sexual release unless I want to. I certainly didn't want to for that excuse for a human being. The thought was abhorrent - to give him that triumph, have him thinking he could make me enjoy what he did to me. Yes, he raped me, repeatedly, but what he couldn't do was force me to feel pleasure at his acts. He tried. He used whatever means he could think of to force me, to bring about my ultimate humiliation. But in the end, in that at least, I thwarted him."

Jim had no words. His mind was a seething blank of hatred.

Khan's arm stroked along Jim's chest, and lower. "And now that you know, my fierce warrior, I want you to pay it no more mind. They are just memories, my memories. Don't give them power over you. Don't give Marcus that power over you, especially now that he's dead." His hand found the bulge between Jim's legs. "I want you to eradicate Marcus completely from your thoughts. And I want you to help me eradicate him from my mind, and from my body."

The warm hand between his legs actually made Jim's breath stall, so it took him a moment to cotton on to what Khan was talking about. "You want me to…?"

"To take me, yes. To show me what it's supposed to be like. What it's like when it's done out of love."

Jim raised up on one elbow to stare at him. There was only one way to interpret that. Marcus had actually been the first. That bastard had not only taken something by force that he hadn't had a right to, there also had been no one before or since.

When Jim didn't say anything for too long, Khan's expression showed insecurity, for the first time since Jim had known him. "Unless you would rather not? Do you consider me… sullied by that man, Jim?"

"No!" Immediately, Jim bent over him, kissing those bow-shaped lips, that extraordinary face. "Never, Noonien, never. Don't ever think that. I'm just… I just… didn't think…" _I'm horrified. I'm trying not to think about what Marcus did to you, but I can't help it. And I'd never have thought you'd ever want that. I thought you were a natural, uncompromising top. I'd never have presumed._

Khan looked relieved. "So… will you…?"

Jim kissed him again. "Yes, of course! Of course." _I've dreamed about it. I never thought I'd actually get to do it. You're a prince, and I'm just a boy from Iowa._

Now, Khan smiled, a sincere and heartbreaking smile that, paradoxically, made Jim feel as though he were the most precious thing in the universe. Khan briefly closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, Jim could feel him turn it on. He saw the Augment's pupils dilate, his face flush and his breath deepen. "Then do it." That voice had descended into its lowest register.

It hit Jim like a blast from an open furnace. _Pheromones_. "God, you're lethal," he said weakly, his body igniting. It took less effort than he would have thought to push any thought of Marcus out of his mind now, burned away in a rising conflagration of desire.

He began to struggle out of his clothes.

Khan did the same, only he looked a lot more elegant doing it, damn him, muscles bunching under pale skin as he turned the simple act of disrobing into a ballet. When he was completely naked, he lay back, looking up at Jim, pale eyes smoldering, shadowed by his black brows. "I know."

"And so modest." Jim joined him on the bed, unable to keep his hands off him, enjoying the feel of smooth skin covering toned muscles, the way Khan stretched under his hand like a cat being petted.

Like before, once the Augment had committed himself, his body turned into an instrument purely made for sex. Completely unselfconscious, he exposed himself to Jim's eyes and hands, enjoying the effect he so obviously had.

Jim forced himself to remember why they were doing this, the responsibility he had. It was enough to allow him to focus beyond the inferno that was raging in his body. He'd need lube, he'd need to be careful, he should absolutely not cause any pain…

"Don't worry about hurting me," Khan said, apparently reading Jim's mind.

"I'm not going to remind you of that bastard even one little bit," Jim said fiercely, opening his bedside drawer and fishing out the small tub. "You told me to show you what it can be like. Well, it doesn't have to hurt at all."

"I also told you that, back then, I didn't feel pleasure. I will feel it now. That, together with your expertise and care, will make all the difference." He stretched, exposing himself.

Jim looked at him, at his chiseled face, finally free of the bruise that had disfigured it for so long, at the way there was no trace of apprehension in his expression or in the way he moved. Made to be able to go through trauma without getting traumatized, Bones had said. Well, fuck that. "Still. I'm not gonna hurt you just because you can stand a lot of pain."

Khan made an impatient sound. "I told you before not to coddle me."

Leaning over him, Jim glowered down at him as well as he could. "Not hurting you doesn't equal coddling you, Noonien. I'm gonna show you what it's like when it's done out of love, so you'd better learn to deal with being shown a little gentleness."

Khan's eyes shone with some emotion Jim was unable to identify. "Very well, then."

Nodding, Jim placed the lubricant where he could easily get at it and went back to stroking the perfect body that was laid out before him, letting his hand wander where it would. When it finally ventured into X-rated territory, Khan closed his eyes, making deep humming sounds of evident pleasure, his body responding with flattering eagerness. Jim felt his own body thrum with sympathetic arousal, though he hadn't even been touched yet. _Must really be pheromones. I'm getting turned on because he is. He's pulling me along with him._

Soon, Jim decided that he shouldn't wait any longer if he wanted to stay in control. Liberally coating his fingers, he told himself to be confident, careful, and above all, calm. _No big deal. I'm only about to fuck a man every instinct tells me to show me soft underbelly to and be the one that gets fucked by. I beat the Kobayashi Maru. Okay, I cheated. But how hard can it be?_

Of course, Khan didn't flinch when Jim touched him between the cheeks of that glorious ass, nor did he show any sign of discomfort when Jim breached him. With that absolute control he had over his body, he never tensed, never clenched up, even returning Jim's questioning glance with a slow smile.

It was only when Jim's questing finger found its goal inside the hot silkenness that surrounded it that that cool control finally shattered. Khan arched his back, a wordless shout surprised out of him, and Jim almost lost his place.

Grinning, Jim repeated the touch, and watched Khan come undone before him. "You like that, huh?" he said smugly, inserting a second finger, his own body now on fire, so hard it hurt.

Khan writed in total abandon, mumbling something that Jim, only after a minute, identified as "don'tstopdon'tstopdon'tstop". Jim actually considered indulging him - after all, the Augment would be able to go again just a few minutes later -, but then a thought came to him. _What if I come too, along with him? Happened before. And I won't be able to get it up again so fast._

Even though it was the last thing he wanted to do, he withdrew his fingers. Khan actually growled at him. "Easy, tiger," Jim tried to soothe him. "It'll get better in a second. Just let me -"

But Khan was having none of it. Rearing up, he grabbed Jim, lifted him bodily, and positioned him on top of himself, toned legs on both sides of Jim's, aligning them.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Jim gasped, "I need more lube -"

"Can't wait," Khan growled, moving his hips urgently, hands grabbing Jim's ass and pulling. "Don't care. Want you in me."

"Oh God," Jim groaned, feeling himself being pushed into position and inside by superhuman strength. "We have got to work on that delayed gratification thing."

There was some lubrication left from the fingering before, but it wasn't nearly enough for a smooth glide, and the increased stimulation along his hard flesh was almost enough to do Jim in. Then Khan did something that involved deep breaths and an inventive hip twist, and next thing he knew, Jim was inside as far as he could go.

Khan's arms around him, his body moving underneath him, the hot flesh surrounding him, it was all getting to be too much. Despite his best intentions to take this slow, Jim moved his hips, slow, then faster; his flesh dragging inside the tight channel, pleasure lighting him up from inside, spreading from his center. He couldn't have stopped moving if his life had depended on it.

He must have made a sound, because Khan's heated gaze abruptly focused on him. The sheer concern in the Augment's eyes pulled Jim away from the brink. "I'm okay," he forced out. _He's worried about me. Even now, even crazy with need, even when he's the one taking it, for God's sake, he's worried_.

Arms that could crush ribcages closed about Jim, and still he had never felt safer. He kept moving. because stopping wasn't an option anymore. Pleasure rose and swirled and focused and crested, there was a feeling of suspension - and then it bust out of him. He convulsed, giving a strangled moan that found its echo, much less restrained, in the deep voice next to his ear. Heat spread between them. He could feel his eyes roll back in his head and his toes curl as the ecstacy rolled on.

They clung to each other, shuddering. Khan was still groaning, his legs closing about Jim's and his arms doing that octopus thing where Jim couldn't move yet didn't feel the need to free himself either. Bit by bit, Jim was beginning to come down from his high. His hips gave one last convulsive thrust, triggering an answering spasm from the body beneath him, and then he collapsed on top of the Augment's heavily breathing body, held in place by those impossibly strong arms.

Khan made those delicious growling sounds in his ear that indicated that the Augment wasn't finished, just in case the hard flesh pressing against his belly was too subtle. But Jim was only human. His cock softened, eliciting a disappointed growl from Khan, which made Jim giggle.

"Gimme twenty minutes, tiger."

"No." Internal muscles clamped around Jim in denial. "Need you now."

"Yeah, I gathered that." Jim freed one arm to reach up and stroke the chiseled face. "We could switch."

Khan opened his eyes. A bit of sanity seemed to be returning. "No. I liked that. I want more of that."

"I'll take that as a compliment, but I'm afraid that humans have this thing called a refractory period. You'll have to wait twenty minutes. At least."

Another growl. "Fingers, then."

Jim grinned at the imperious tone. _I wonder if I could make him beg for it._ The images that conjured almost took his breath away.

The thought fled when Khan once again lifted him bodily to deposit him where he wanted him, and Jim realized that he would have to introduce that topic very gradually, and not today. "Yes, my prince," he whispered, not sure how serious he was.

A deep hum indicated Khan's general approval for the appellation. "Good, Captain."

Grinning, Jim got with the program.

Two augmented orgasms later, Jim was ready for another go. By now, Khan seemed almost delirious with pleasure. They came together again, slow and easy this time, just moving together, not hurrying towards the finish but letting it end when it would.

JIm had a feeling that Khan actually tried to hold himself back for a while, which was a first in Jim's experience, and possibly in Khan's, too. _He's not quite as much a slave to his biology as we both thought,_ Jim realized. This opened the door to a lot of nice possibilities to be explored in the future.

But for now, he had a sated Augment in his bed next to him, who was demanding the caresses due him by nudging him with his nose. Jim indulged him gladly.

He was still contemplating the fact that life didn't get any better than this when he fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

_Captain's personal log, Stardate 2260.98._

_Results from the drug test aimed at finding a way to incapacitate Khan Noonien Singh in the event of an emergency are inconclusive. I have decided not to pursue this further, as I deem the side effects too severe to argue for any benefit. If a hypothetical hostile life form decides to take him over, we will instead rely on Chief Engineer Scott's restraint ball and on the augmented will power of our inofficial consultant._

_Supplementary: Truthfully, I should never have agreed to this in the first place. It was and is much too dangerous and unpredictable. But on the upside, Noonien and I have been introduced to a concept that will undoubtedly add some spice to our future relations. And that I'm definitely looking forward to investigating further._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, that turned out very fluffy. But on the other hand, bottom!Khan! I wanted to see if I could go there. Please let me know if it worked.


End file.
